Ahhh yes, I have quite a good memory of that infamous adventure. It all began when someone, was it you SMo-Money?, suggested that rafting would be a fun adventure. We began our stupidity... I mean planning, by deciding that, for little or no reason, the Sheep River would be satisfactory and that a journey from Turner Valley to Okotoks would nicely fill the day. It was definitely a doable distance and Sean had memories of tubing the river, so it seemed like quite a good idea. However, it was not a good sign that our fist errand was to go to Canadian tire and seriously consider buying a forty dollar raft, which made some us think, "UMMM, a shitty raft that costs less than a good paddle will definitely carry three big guys, one little brown kid and all their beer down a completely unknown stretch of runoff swollen river in complete safety, abso-fuckin-lutely." Anyway, that plan was ditched as too expensive (read, too expensive!) because two of the rafts would have to be bought. However, our sense of fun and adventure was not so easily stifled and we trekked up to the OPC (Outdoor Program Centre at U of C to the less outdoorsy of you) and rented a tough raft, paddles and lifejackets (see we're not stupid, just adventurous).

          The next step was to devise how to carry a large amount of malt beverage and keep it cold. I think it was Jeff (true to his heart, but sadly not to his liver) who came up with the absolutely ingenious idea of drilling lots of holes in a really tough HDPE bucket and roping the lid shut. This bucket could then be towed behind the raft and keep the beer spring runoff cold, a truly civilized temperature to consume a fine ale or even nice lager. After this critical problem was solved we set to planning the itinerary and rounding up such essentials as a pump and map. After successfully completing this task we decided that, since we were rafting early the next morning, it would be a good idea to purchase food and drink right now. We quickly rallied the troops and got to Safeway around 10:30, as this is the only grocery store that is sensible enough to stay open for late-planning and/or drunk young guys in search of snack food. We were immediately drawn to the candy aisle and proceeded to buy at least twenty dollars of gummies, chocolate coated gummies and pure chocolate. Clutching our cavity-causing bounty to our chests we fled from the cashier's rather disapproving looks to buy beer. We got a 12 of Labatt Blue, as this would provide light and refreshing drinking the next day.

          Finally, later that night, we were sitting around not sleeping and decided that paper sailor hats would be a cool idea. I mean, who in their fucking right mind doesn't lust after a painstakingly made paper Napoleon hat in their dreams every night?! After a frenzied hat making session we finally decided that maybe sleep would be a good idea. I really have never understood Sean and Jeff's philistine attitude toward an early bedtime and a good night's sleep in general. A cultured gentleman, like myself, requires a certain amount of sleep in order to operate at his full faculties.

          Anyway, the next morning we decided that a McDonald's breakfast would really hit the spot, not to mention blocking our arteries for that lack-of-oxygen induced high. I don't even think I have to mention that a brain suffering from hypoxia lacks judgement and clarity, perfect for us! But, to get back on track, when Snakebait and I got to Mcdonalds we found that Sean had crafted a paper hat that belonged in the finest haute-couture collections of any Parisian fashion house. I will only say that the hat was truly a work of hat-making art and I will allow Sean to add any description he sees fit. (Technically it was too beautiful for words and each night I shed a single tear for its loss on the second rafting trip, where it was used as a bail -stupid cold bastards....- But to give a brief summary, it was constructed out of a newspaper base (the entire Homes section I believe) and I then affixed a 'Jolly Roger' flag to the front of it. Next I waterproofed it with most of a roll of packing tape, then got creative and devised an adjustable chin strap system, which provided much needed security on the trip. Not once did that hat come off my head unintentionally. -Sean) After a 'delicious' breakfast, which I was too cheap to partake in, we saddled up and headed out, actually getting out of the city before 11:00 (truly a rare feat). The drive out was uneventful and, after stopping for directions in Turner Valley and intimidating small-town folk with our big city toughness, we found a suitable put-in spot.

          The trip began with great light-heartedness and several happy pictures of us clowning around on the bank in stylish hats. The rafting at first was also quite peaceful, as the river was wide and there were few obstacles. This rather uneventful start might have been the reason we decided not to tie down our belongings, but I'm sure it was just our youthful inexperience. As we continued it soon became obvious that the river was in an angry mood, as we had to actually paddle to get around some obstacles! The river got hairier and hairier as time went on and soon we swept around a right turn at high speed and were confronted with a massive pile of mud, roots and driftwood that had collected in the middle of the river. It was entirely impossible to avoid and our efforts to avoid the obstacle only succeeded in spinning sidewise and getting broadsided by that evil piece of spiky shit (see Sean's excellent illustration of the event). As we slammed into the mass I was straining to hear the hiss of escaping air but, to my utmost and grateful surprise, the raft held up fine. I believe that a thought resembling, "And we were going to do this shit on Canadian tire rafts?!" passed through my head at this instant. Anyway, any further thoughts were erased as I felt my leg suddenly be immersed in something very, very cold. The river had decided that it liked having some company on this fine early summer day and was now gleefully pouring as fast as it could into the raft in order to make friends. Its hospitality was a little overwhelming however, and the raft began to tilt dangerously. As I was on the upstream side of the middle of the raft I was the first to fall out, managing only a frantic, "We're swamping!" before I was swept away. I surfaced about twenty feet downriver on the other side of the obstruction and managed to stand up. I fought my way to a sandbar and discovered, to my glee, that I still had a handle on my paddle. I then turned around to see what had happened and saw assorted baggage being swept by me in the heart of the current. At that moment my bag passed by and I leapt into the river to rescue it (it really is your first instinct to go for your own belongings). Unfortunately, either the raft had already gone by or I couldn't reach it in the torrent and I watched it spin in a distinctly uncontrolled manner down the river. I looked around and was delighted to see Sean quite nearby extricating himself from some bushes. He also had his paddle and we set off down the river's edge in the hope that Jeff and Amit had stopped the raft.

          At this point I feel it necessary to deal with a few other renditions of this event, namely Jeff Kadler's. I have no problem whatsoever with his description of events, but his attempt to make himself the hero needs to be torn down. I actually find it ironically appropriate that Jeff misspells assessed as assed, because that is probably the most descriptive verb for his behaviour. Firstly, he is definitely talking out his ass if he says that all those calm and rational thoughts went through his head at the time of the incident. Secondly, all he really did was sit on his ass and drift down the river as, thirdly, he fell ass backwards into the luck of the raft not tipping and freeing itself. I'm not saying that it wasn't crucial that Jeff stayed with the raft or that he didn't stop it afterwards, but it is not a heroic action. What happened to Jeff was pure luck, though he did show resourcefulness after the incident to stop the raft with only one paddle.

          Anyway, after we had found each other, emptied the raft, gotten a call from the (Amit's not lying, it really did happen) and set off again it was a quiet bunch. However, we quickly found the other oar and Sean's backpack, which was the most important bit of baggage because it had both car keys and a cell-phone in it. Our incredible luck continued throughout the whole trip as we found almost everything we lost, even Sean's cutlass. Our spirits were revived by our find and we had an excellent time from then on, now that we were more aware of the hazards involved. Indeed, only a few more events stick out in my mind.

          Firstly, quite a bit later on in the trip mind you, we swept around another corner at high speed to see that the spring runoff had toppled a huge tree so that it conveniently lay across the entire width of the river. The river was very fast and quite deep at this point, so it looked like collision with the tree would result either in serious injury or drowning, as almost half of the tree branches were underwater and the river was being forced to rush underneath the trunk in dangerous looking vortexes. We quickly hopped out and endeavoured to push the raft to one side of the river. Amit and I hopped out on one side and Sean and Jeff took the other, with myself being downriver of Amit. Unfortunately, Jeff and Sean were in quite shallow water and decided that now was the time to stop pulling and bitch about something to each other. This resulted in Amit and I standing in stomach deep, very fast moving water trying to maintain our footing on a rocky bottom. Amit and his twig-like physique just couldn't hold up to the force and he was swept off his feet. Luckily, he was swept into the crook of my arm and I managed to hold him and somehow keep my footing, probably saving his life. At this time our frantic yells had awoken Jeff and Sean and they pulled us out of the river, with another near death situation under our belts.

          The other incident involved us noticing that the horizon didn't look right, it seemed to kind of drop off. As we got nearer we realized that it certainly did drop off, there was some kind of waterfall in front of us. Everyone pretty much panicked and Sean nearly jumped out of the raft trying to stop us going over. However, we went over with the raft perfectly straight and it was actually really fun. It was near the end of the trip and it added just the right amount of zest to spice things up (cause, you know, the trip had been really uneventful so far).

          Other than the stuff I've mentioned the trip went really well. We got really good at manoeuvring the raft around dangerous deadfall and through really tight spots. In fact, we got so good at raft-handling that we started pulling tricks like 360's and having someone jump out on the back, run beside the raft and then jump back in. (Without spilling my beer I might add! -Sean) The river also had some calm spots and we enjoyed a beer or four, even though troublesome spots come up really quickly sometimes and it's hard to paddle while balancing a beer. Anyway, there isn't too much else that would make a good story and so I'll end by saying that we finally made it to Okotoks, rushed back to C-spot and got the raft to the OPC two minutes before they closed, pretty much summing up the fact that the trip had been one big close call. A damn fun, adventure packed close call with awesome companionship though, I'd do it again in a second.

-Stephen