Our second attempt at the Sheep River came after the infamous zoo trip on which Kadler managed "to fuck up BOTH ANKLES at once. Fuckers," after a nasty looking fall down a near vertical cliff. I'm sure someone else will have more detailed coverage on that, if they can get their lazy asses in gear. Anyway, the trip started out with more planning than usual and even a new member to replace a busy Steve and Tom. Sean's friend Meghan decided she was willing to risk life and limb to conquer one of nature's challenges. I don't think she realized what she was getting herself into when she signed on though. Kinda like me with the army.
Our planning night consisted of the usual rough planning of deciding a put-in and take-out point, with no discussion of river conditions or hazards. It also involved the usual major decisions on what type of beer to bring and whether six bags of gummi worms was going to be enough. I don't recall whether or not Sean kitted himself out in the usual pirate attire, but he can elaborate if needed. (While I did wear my hat for this trip, I felt that it was time to retire my cutlass since floating in the river for 2 hours somewhat damaged it's fearsomeness. -Sean) We were aware that the weather was going to be less than ideal, but the full weight of the decision to go anyway didn't hit us until much later. With the group set and a "plan" in place we were on our way to more rafting goodness. We figured if we lived the first time, why not try it again right? Talk about tempting fate
We began by dropping one of the cars off at the take-out point and heading upstream in search of the put in point. We came across one that looked decent, except for the 10 foot waterfall with jagged rocks on the bottom that was downstream of us and within visible range. We decided to keep looking. Our final choice was to put in on a slow stream that went under a bridge and linked to the main river. We successfully made it under the bridge, but were then forced to hop off and enter the surprisingly powerful current of the main river. I believe it was at this early stage that Meghan's experience began to turn sour as she lost an expensive pair of designer sandals to the now fashionable Sheep River. Little did she know she was about to become more thoroughly introduced to the bundle of joy that is Jeff Kadler.
We began out a bit cautious due to the incredible speed of the river at this point and because we were blind as to what we could expect as far as debris or conditions along the river. As it turns out, this trip was far more intense than even our previous trip as will become clearly evident as the story proceeds. As we proceeded down the river we were met with several obstacles, the worst of which were the rock shelves. The base of the river was entirely rock that seemed to drop off at 90 degree angles once every hundred meters or so. This made the entire trip a navigational nightmare as we had to pick and choose how we were going to take the unavoidable and painful fall onto the rocks and debris below us. To top off our joy at this dawning realization, the raft was taking in large amounts of freezing cold river water and was forcing us to bail out in between intervals of falling onto the rocks below us. (And what did we use for a bail? My PIRATE HAT!!!!! After an hour of constant bailing my hat was destroyed, because some people didn't like having their feet getting chilly. I hate you guys.) This factor added to the already cold weather made for a bit of an unpleasant trip. This unpleasantness was compounded for Meghan by the ever compassionate gentleman Jeff Kadler.
At the beginning of the trip, Jeff's usual disgustingness factor was quelled considerably, most likely due to Meghan's presence. However, as the trip went on, the true Kadler emerged from his short sleep and Jeff began his usual array of offensive comments. For example, when Meghan innocently remarked, "Now I'm wet," after being splashed, Jeff took this comment and replied, "That's what all the bitches say". To her credit, Meghan was able to endure the first few such comments but eventually human decency won her over and she began to argue with Jeff at one of our pleasant stops on a sandbar to regain feeling in our extremities and to thank God no one was killed over the last fall. Our trip went on like this for a while with Sean and I trying to navigate and devise a method for overcoming the various obstacles, Meghan being visibly upset and miserable and Jeff being his usual charismatic self.
A notable incident I recall was just as we were about to go over one of the falls, Sean and I got out to hold the raft so we could find a better route. Jeff just sat there as per his life philosophy and Meghan was looking worried and obviously unhappy. With the two still in the raft making it impossible to stop, the raft went over anyway and Sean was pulled in by either Jeff or Meghan (I forget but it was probably Meghan) and I was left to jump down the fall, onto the raft which resulted in me grounding on a sharp rock and hurting my knee more than I was willing to let on. I also remember getting the raft stuck in an eddy and having a bitch of a time trying to get it out to the middle of the river. The trip was little more than the constant falling and holding on for dear life, jagged rocks on which to land, cold weather and Jeff and Meghan's minor showdown. What a great day.
At one of the stops on a sandbar, the group eventually threw in the towel. Meghan initiated the discussion by saying she'd had enough and we all agreed to quit. I can only speak for myself here, but I was willing to go the distance. I said I'd quit only out of sympathy to end Meghan's misery. The poor girl had been exposed to an unhealthy amount of Kadler for one day and deserved a break. We stopped at a nearby campsite roughly halfway down our intended rafting route and pulled our raft up to the shore. In our infinite wisdom and good judgment, we left Kadler to guard the beer, candy and the raft (a little like a wolf guarding sheep) and the remaining trio set off to devise a plan. We decided to try our hands at hitchhiking, an idea that I wasn't initially so fond of. When I expressed what I considered to be the problem with the plan "what if we don't get a ride?" Meghan laughed at me and said something like "are you joking? I'm an 18 year old girl in distress! Don't guys have fantasies about this kind of thing happening?" Yes we certainly do. Deciding that an East Indian male is probably someone no one wants to give a ride to or brake for if one is crossing the road (I hate you people) I was tasked to assist Jeff in eating candy, drinking beer and watching the raft while Sean and Meghan went to get help.
I hope Sean decides to elaborate more on this part, but from what I understand he turned on the engg signal in the sky (a silhouette of Bill Nye the science guy) and was promptly rescued by an engineering student at U of C. Our savoir gave Sean and Meghan a lift to the car and then they came to rescue a candy filled and tipsy Amit and Jeff. This was pretty much the end of our adventure and the last time Meghan came out with us as well.*
Despite the freezing cold, the constant navigational problems and more cries of "Ouch, my ass!" than a Nick and Mark sleepover, the trip wasn't an entire disappointment. We learned that we were capable of dealing with some intense conditions and that we really have to be selective about the crew members we take with us. It's much easier to tell Jeff to suck it up than to tell Meghan to. Especially since if you tell Meghan to suck anything, Jeff will be there to make an undoubtedly classy remark. Sheep River II was an interesting experience, but with better conditions and the usual crew I'm sure a Sheep River III will be at least slightly better.
-Amit
*After walking along a gravel strewn road with Meghan in bare feet for about 1/2 an hour (I offered my sandals a few times I'm sure) I managed to flag down a car heading back to Turner Valley. Meghan, who we thought was our key asset on this expedition turned out to be even less effective than the lectures from Jeff's mom on why he shouldn't look at porn as she was walking in the ditch at the time. The secret I found is too actually run into the road and wave the car over, thus conveying the message of distress, as opposed to just sticking out your thumb, thus conveying the message of a dirty hippy/axe murderer who can't afford a car. While it's true that I broke out the ENGG signal, John was actually a practicing engineer, either chemical or mechanical I think, who had graduated from some school out East. He showed his true engineering colours by placing me in the front seat so that he could discuss engineering type things with me, and avoid having to talk to an attractive female as they're like Kryptonite to engineers. After a quick ride back to Turner Valley and a miserable drive back to Sandy McNabb (Jeff's car is a piece) we got our gear loaded back up and headed home.
And just for the record, I too was in favour of pressing on to Turner Valley by raft. I'm pretty confident that with a different group, we could have made it to Turner Valley, albeit hypothermic and very close to death, but we would have made it. Luckily I saved the hypothermia for a different rafting trip.
-Sean
